Build Your Mama Village in Maryland
One thing that was honestly never talked about when I was growing up was the loneliness of motherhood. I was the kind of kid to hang out around my Grandma’s kitchen table hoping to overhear some juicy grownup stuff I wasn’t supposed to listen to. Maybe it was the smoke filled room that served as a screen, or just the way it was in the 80s that children weren’t noticed as much when they were quiet. To be real, the only time I was quiet was when I was trying to spy on adult conversations. And when I would sit there drinking my water out of a repurposed jam jar with Dino the dinosaur on it, while my mom and grandma had their coffee and smoked, I felt like I was in the big kids club while my siblings played with the laundry basket full of duplos in the living room.
But while listening in, I never overheard anything about loneliness. Maybe my mother truly wasn’t lonely. She had five children and we visited my grandma nearly daily when we were little. We never lived more than 15 minutes from her (except for a brief sixish month period where my Dad tried to cosplay as a farmer until they got bored of being so far away from everyone).
My Grandmother and my mother (far right). A different generation.
I tell people that’s the only real parenting hack- living by the grandparents (and having grandparents you want to be near/trust with your kids).
I am so happy when I hear from a client that their parents are near and will be a help with the newly postpartum mom.
I wish that were my reality, but my family is 2 hours north while my husband’s is 6 hours north. But even when I lived down the road from my mom, I did struggle with the paradox of constantly having someone literally on me (breastfeeding and snuggling), yet feeling so very alone in the battle I was fighting–the battle to get enough sleep, to keep my house tidy, to take the best care of my children, to take care of myself, etc etc. The never ending list of the mother (mental) load.
Those early years of babies and toddlers where you don’t have adult conversations except about your children and you are home all the time, usually talking just to your kids, are… interesting, to put it one way. I know I was very fortunate to be able to be a stay at home mom, but it can feel a little cagey. I love my husband, but caution against reading ‘A Doll's House’ by Henrik Ibsen during this time period, especially if you’re a stay at home mom.
But I’m getting off topic here! I think what is truly amazing about the information age (for all its faults), is that it has opened opportunities for women to be able to connect in new ways. The biggest online Moms Supporting Moms group in the area is Annapolis Moms with over 27 thousand local members. Moms of Anne Arundel County have about 13 thousand. I love that women can share their thoughts with so many strangers (or friends) in those groups and do anything from finding out what events are coming up, where the best place to get a haircut is, or to share how their births went at the local hospitals.
While there is absolutely value in those connections, it’s such a shift from the ways our mothers and grandmothers experienced motherhood. Two of my grandmother’s best friends were her neighbors and she did not know them before buying her house. I can’t name many neighbors on my street. I have baked cookies when new people move in, but that sense of community just hasn’t really been there and there doesn’t seem to be much interest.
I live in an older neighborhood, meaning we’re the only people on the block with kids (actually, there’s one other house, but he is older than my girls and only comes on weekends sometimes). I am currently working postpartum shifts for this sweet little baby boy, and driving into their neighborhood, I see so many parents and kids pushing strollers or riding bikes. I hope so much that they feel like a real community.
I don’t think I’m alone here in not finding friends in my neighbors. It seems to be a thing of the past. Relics of suburbia where old people moved out so young families could buy–is that American dream dead? I’m getting too lofty here.
The truth is, motherhood in that first year is just about survival mode.
Figuring out what they need, figuring out what you need–and, as soon as you have a system down, what they need changes. It’s a year of sleep deprivation and attempted memory making and it’s beautiful and amazing and hard, and it all happens so fast. Those years, I try to hold on to them, but it’s all just sandart. The act of making it–not having it to hold on to–is what the whole point is. Like if you know someone who does improv and they try to tell you about a big laugh the night before. Girl, improv is in the moment and when the moment is gone, it’s gone. (I say this as the wife to a husband who in fact does improv, but I don’t often get to see his shows. Amy Poehler talks about her ex-husband, Will Arnett, coming home and telling her about his bits and how she hated it, so I know I’m not alone in this!).
Anyway, for moms in those early years–in the trenches, as some have called it– loneliness can be so overwhelming and damaging. According to the American Medical Association, “...lack of social connection has profound effects on mental and physical health.” So much so that “...[the] U.S. Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy, MD, released an advisory on the epidemic of loneliness and isolation. About half of U.S. adults experience loneliness, which presents a major public health threat that is akin to smoking and obesity (Berg).”
According to Dr Tiffani Bell Washington, “Loneliness is essentially the feeling of being uncomfortable or in distress when someone feels that there is a gap between the connection they would like and the connection they actually have,” (emphasis added). With regard to online mom groups, these serve their function. I am not saying they are bad, but they are not the same as in person connection. Dr Bell Washington adds, “So, you might have a lot of superficial social connections, but what you really want is something deeper—someone to know you on the inside (Berg).”
What I encourage all moms to do is find their village.
This isn’t the 1950’s Betty Draper style anymore and we don’t live in an actual village like our distant ancestors. Online communities can help break up the monotony, but those usually aren’t deeply connected open-your-heart kind of interactions.
I tell new parents that for that first year or so, it’s like your baby is hazing you. And when you can make a new mom friend with a baby of the same age(ish), you bond together like boot camp buddies or sorority sisters whose relationship is founded on getting through that hardship together.
I was lucky in my first year of motherhood and found a handful of like minded people through a mommy and me yoga group (shout out to Om Baby Yoga in Camp Hill, PA and Hike It Baby, Harrisburg).
When I moved here from Harrisburg, PA in 2019, I was pregnant with my second baby and my first was a year old. It took some time for me to find my footing here and build my own village starting from scratch. I know it’s not easy to put yourself out there. I had a terrible time at a mom meet up that was very cliquey and made me feel like a crappy parent. I’m not going to throw anybody under the bus by giving the name (I think they’ve since disbanded anyway), but you could tell that group all knew each other (and had for a while) and they didn’t seem super keen on having a newbie in the group. We were all sitting on a few blankets together when I started breastfeeding my youngest and my toddler wandered over to the other end of the blanket.
This group brought snacks, which I hate because my toddler had plenty of snacks at home and this whole culture around kids needing constant snacks is not my favorite (but, I digress). My kid was maybe 2 years old and she was scarfing down blueberries. I was so overwhelmed and tried to get her back over to me, but I felt so embarrassed. Then someone mentioned how expensive blueberries were. It was not a good time for me and I felt vulnerable and let down by that community I so desperately wanted. No one was even overtly mean, but in that immediate postpartum period, it’s hard to put yourself out there and I felt fragile.
I didn’t ever go back to that group and it scared me for a long time to try again. But then I started taking my babies to the library down the street from us. The Broadneck Branch of the Anne Arundel County Public Library. Their Babies in Bloom story time was no pressure. I was not made to feel anything other than excited to be singing and playing with my kiddos. And when the oldest wanted to play with the play kitchen at the library, off to the side of the story time space, that was fine. No pressure from anyone at the library. I made friends there with the parents who came weekly and built my community, as well as venturing out into other mom meet ups. I can’t recommend these enough!
Mom Meets Ups in & around Anne Arundel County
Glen Burnie Library Story Time
1. The Anne Arundel County Public Library
Shout out to one of my favorite places ever- the public library. Our county offers amazing story times (for free!) for different ages:
Broadneck Branch of the Library with plenty of cool blocks, toys, and books. Mr Steve was our favorite and we loved his Banana Song.
Babies In Bloom: Babies from birth to 18 months (with caring adult) enjoy songs, action rhymes and playtime while building early literacy skills. A great way to get to know other families in your community! Storytimes are 15-20 minutes, followed by social time for caregivers and little ones.
Toddler Story Time: Children ages 18 to 36 months (with caring adult) enjoy a variety of developmentally-appropriate stories, songs, rhymes and movement activities while building early literacy skills.
PreSchool Story Time: Children ages three to five (with caring adult) build the early literacy skills needed for school readiness through engaging books, songs and activities.
Bilingual Storytime: Young children will enjoy stories, songs, rhymes and activities while building ready to read skills in English and in Spanish / Los niños pequeños disfrutarán de historias, canciones, rimas y actividades mientras desarrollan habilidades de lectura en inglés y en español.
These are the regularly occurring events, but they also have all kinds of cool events at different branches: Sensory Friendly - Neurodivergent Storytime, Pajama Family Storytime, Paws to Read (reading to animals), movie nights, craft events, science events, nature events, a performance by the Annapolis Ballet, etc. I love the library and all of their events are free!!
Anne Arundel County Public Library Paws to Read Event. Where kids who are nervous about reading out loud can read books to therapy dogs. Sometimes there’s a therapy rabbit!
And if you can commit yourself to showing up every Tuesday at 9:30 for Babies in Bloom (check the times at your local branch), you’ll get to meet other parents and maybe you’ll say in the spring that you’d like to head to the park afterwards.
you can’t have a village if you’re not a villager.
There are many varied events out there, but if you don’t show up (for yourself, for your own peace of mind), you’ll miss out on more than songs at story time. Friendships grow where they are watered.
2. Patuxent Babywearing
Patuxent Babywearing is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization whose mission is to promote the practice of babywearing through education and support. They serve Baltimore, Anne Arundel, & Howard Counties.
Babywearing Educators Jeanie Tsamis Prescott, Vicki West-Leiman, Melanie Disabb-Miller, and Sarah Zimmerman.
They have free meetups where they bring a range of different baby wearing options that you can try on! They also offer a year's membership for $30 where you can check out whatever babywearer you want for a month. You get to take it home and use it, then return it.
It’s also a great way to meet new moms and build more relationships in your village. In Anne Arundel, they usually meet at the Discoveries Library at the Annapolis Mall.
3. The Mom Walk Co - Pasadena
Walks are hosted twice a month, every 2nd and 4th week of the month. Days of the week vary, so check their instagram for up-to-date info. The location also varies–they usually meet at a local coffee shop, neighborhood park, or indoor/outdoor space. Walks are 1-2 miles and anywhere from 40-60 minutes.
You can come with or without your kids! And there are usually playdates afterwards at the end of the walk on the playground.
They’re a very chill group and walk indoors in extreme temperatures.
Getting active and meeting new moms is a great way to get through the first few years of motherhood. In that same vein, see Fit4Mom.
4. Fit4Mom Chesapeake
There are a variety of options for both bringing your baby to class (see stroller stride or stroller barre) or having a mom only workout class. Even their run club is stroller friendly and you can bring your bigger kids too.
The first class is free, and you can sign up on their website. All of FIT4MOM Chesapeake's programs are centered around strength & community for all moms, regardless of experience, fitness level, or stage of motherhood.
I know not everyone is going to love a fitness class, but, as a doula, I should mention that, the more you move your pelvis in pregnancy, the more mobile it’ll be (to move your baby down and out) during labor. So, I do encourage all pregnant women to think about some kind of fitness program. Talk with your doctor to get the clear first.
There are other mom groups sprouting up or coming back from hiatus. Hike It Baby Annapolis is looking for a new ambassador (as of writing this on 1/29/26). There’s a Tummy Time meet up at the Riviera Beach Branch library ran by a local doula. Feel free to post any other groups you’ve connected with in the comments.
There are also a number of breastfeeding support groups:
Laura Burch Lactation Support Group
Lactation Support Group at Luminus Health
Rumina Center Milk & Cookies Events
Whatever you do, I hope you are able to build that village we all need. Motherhood can be lonely, but you aren’t really alone. Us other baddies are out there waiting to meet you! Come join! Step out of your comfort zone.
If you are my past client or just someone who is feeling a little too shy to go to any of these alone, reach out to me and we can go together!
We’re all in this together.
Sources
Berg, S. (2023, July 14). What doctors wish patients knew about loneliness and health. American Medical Association. https://www.ama-assn.org/public-health/behavioral-health/what-doctors-wish-patients-knew-about-loneliness-and-health
